Merry Christmas everyone. Seriously, I’m not being sarcastic, I’m sincerely wishing you all a happy day. I hope Santa Clause (who may or may not exist) brought you some spectacular gifts and that you spent all day drinking delicious alcoholic beverages. I also hope that your Uncle Fred didn’t manage to grope your sister with his classic ‘hands-on’ hug and that your weird cousin wasn’t discovered touching himself in front of the cat again. Families are funny, aren’t they?
For a little bit of festive entertainment, I have embedded Lunar C vs Uno Lavoz below, which Don’t Flop kindly uploaded this morning as a little gift to all the battle heads out there. It’s family friendly [canned laughter], so hook it up to your TV and let your grandparents hear some sick bars like back in the day. I’m off to eat some turkey sandwiches and watch some more awful Christmas specials.
P.S. To those who don’t celebrate Christmas. I hope your regular day was all spiffy and nice too.
December is upon us and soon we shall be force-fed Mariah Carey, Wham! and that Band Aid thing which, at first, will be perfectly tolerable but will eventually become about as entertaining as watching the educational tv that comes on at four in the morning while being repeatedly kicked in the back of the head by an angry reindeer. So, to help you cope, I have compiled a list of 10 alternative Christmas songs which you can refer to in order to retain your Christmas spirit without contemplating suicide or at least, without poking sharp implements down your ear holes. Enjoy.
Not only did I invent sliced [banana] bread, I am now bringing you an introduction to Josef, a producer hailing from my own quaint home town located deep in the Leicestershire jungle. A purveyor of understated beats, his tunes exude a laid-back optimism that draws me away from my constant obsession with moody landscape and inspires my stony mouth to curl up into a twisted smile (imagine the Joker, but drunk). ‘Lift’, the tune I’ve attached below, is his most recent upload and its buoyant quality conjures images of soft-focus sunny days, the ones I used to enjoy before I realised it was time to get a job and face up to reality. Also attached is a remix of Zero 7′s ‘Swing’ which takes the pace out of the original and hits an altogether more calming and beautiful note. Both tracks are pretty damn exquisite and I implore you to thoroughly wrap your ears around them. I also think you should track Josef’s future movements like you tracked your ex-girlfriend until her current boyfriend realised and beat the crap out of you. Yeah. Anyway, put Josef in your ‘One To Watch’ notebook and if you don’t have one yet, get one.
Ok, so I guess you come here because we’re renowned for our cutting-edge electronic music coverage right? Shhh, well I’m now going to break the mould and talk for a little bit about 50 Cent’s upcoming novel, Playground. Now I don’t want to just come out and say it’s going to win the Nobel Prize for Literature, but it bloody well will. The main character is called fucking Butterball. BUTTERBALL!
I just spent the last ten, or two, minutes reading the first few chapters over at Entertainment Weekly and it’s a work of pure genius. The numerous references to fried chicken, the talk of beating another kid up with a sock full of batteries and the fact that it’s so damn REAL really got to me. After all, the subtitle is ‘The Mostly True Story of a Former Bully’ and I once told a kid he had big ears so I can really identify with where Fid’s coming from. I haven’t been this excited about a book release since Steve Bruce’s Sweeper.
Footnote: My arseholery aside, at least the book has bears an admirable message and might actually get some kids reading. Maybe it will even motivate Lil’ Wayne to write something…that would be the greatest novel in the history of history.
Me, Oldsy and the artist formerly known as V-Money went to see Drive yesterday and apart from being a seriously badass film, it also possessed a transcendent soundtrack. College’s ‘Real Human Being’ featuring Electric Youth and Kavinsky’s ‘Nightcall’ featuring Lovefoxxx were the stand out moments and, having had them on loop today, it’s hard to deny their infectious yet strangely brooding appeal. I’ve already adopted them as part of my own personal soundtrack and I’m looking on the internet for some leather driving gloves and a silver jacket with a scorpion on the back as I write…all I need to do now is get a toothpick and have my eyes surgically pushed closer together, then I’ll be set. Anyway, watch the film, buy the soundtrack.
First Dynamo and now Lunar C? After all these years of just being a city somewhere near Leeds, Bradford suddenly seems to be churning out some interesting talent. I admit that’s probably a ridiculously ignorant statement and I bet if I looked Bradford up on Wikipedia, the ‘Notable People’ section would probably list Albert Einstein, Marie Curie and God…but I haven’t checked yet. Don’t take it as a slight Bradford heads, it was only my way of introducing a post, something I haven’t done for a while and clearly need to refine. I know Bradford’s a decent place and the curry there is transcendent.
Anyway, the reason for the insulting preamble was to introduce Lunar C, one of the best MCs I’ve heard in [begin writing like Jedward] like, the whole summer guys ok, cool, yeah? [end writing like Jedward] His recent performances for Don’t Flop have been better than that time you found an extra Jaffa Cake in your lunch pod and his music is equally gratifying. So much so in fact, that I actually paid money for his recent release, The Lunar CD. It cost me £3. You can’t even get a pint for that in London. And it’s sick. Here’s another short sentence.
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