Calvin the Retard - No Pun Necessary

Calvin Harris is a moron. The fools at Heathrow's new Terminal 5 have lost his laptop which just so happens to contain the only copy of his new album...yeah, no back-up exists, what a clever guy. "He has lost the only copy of the new album," a label spokesperson told the BBC. "It is a big cause for concern – months of work have gone into that." Yeah, whatever, he lost his new album which he'll no doubt claim was destined to reinvent '90s pop, big fucking deal. I'm sure he'll get over it by wearing a bright hoodie and prancing about like a retard next to a keyboard he's barely even touching. He probably lied about ever having made the album, he always seems to be swooping around like a magpie and clasping his greasy little claws around anything that glints in the sun anyway.

Oh well, Heathrow have offered him £750 compensation...would that have been acceptable in the '80s? Piss off, I had to slip it in somewhere.